Crayooooola

I came from
intensity,
and loud words spoken behind closed doors,
I'm sure of it.

No, life wasn't "mac and cheese" or "dandelion" or "sunset orange."
Stress consumed my small frame,
from personality
and circumstance.

No, life was more "outer space" or "midnight blue"
and lots of learning.
Lots of experience.

Lots of love.

Some of which tore me apart,
but mostly healed my soul.
Wove those frayed edges back together.

Overtime,
the sky turned to "aquamarine"
and the clouds were no longer "manatee"
and I taught myself to keep trying,
despite heartache.

Now I see through "fern" and "canary" and "mango tango"
and a smile
and hope.

I don't want my old crayons back.

Wash the Dishes (Forgive)

Wash the dishes

You have homework again?

Why haven't you finished it yet?

How long will it take you?

Wash the dishes.

Im doing my best.

I am too.

Wash the dishes.

What did she have to say?

You can bring your friends over here if you want.

I love you.

Wash the dishes.

Thank you.

Wash the dishes.

Did you get asked to homecoming?

I'm proud of you.

Why aren't you trying out next year?

Wash the dishes.

I'm sorry.

Were having family over.

Get the house cleaned up.

Come down, we're watching Lost.

Wash the dishes.

Sarah

Linda

Work 

Wash the dishes.

No, you don't get a choice.

Be home by twelve.

I drove it for years. 

Wash the dishes. 

Stop being an idiot.

I'm the one whose flexible.

You'll respect me because I'm your parent.

Wash the dishes.

Nothing

Silence

"Hi"

Taco Time (part 1) ft. Bricks

When I was sixteen I worked at a Mexican fast-food restaurant. 

I mainly worked drive thru.

"Thank you for choosing Taco Time, this week you can get a free drink with any Nacho Grande, go ahead and order whenever you're ready."

Nice, right?

The first three months I actually had a pretty good time.

I guess I'm lucky though, because I enjoy working.

And unlimited mexi-ice samples were pretty nice. 

Anyway, there was this one guy who would come through often.

He always wore a green flannel

and his long, gray hair in a low pony tail.

He would order two kids meals, two crisp bean burritos and a large Coke. 

When I handed him his food he would thank me,

smile,

and hand me a $1 bill.

Drive thru cashiers don't usually get tips.

Thanks, ponytail guy.

Different people add bricks along your path through life.

It can be anyone,

family,

friends,

church leaders,

coaches,

even people that come and order a burrito at your minimum wage, dead end job. 

Especially those people.

They add to your boring six hour shift. 

They're remembered for the strangest things.

And they are all another brick.

Cosmology

And when you realize
that you too,
are made of stars,
that history essay on the
Industrial Revolution
doesn't seem to matter.

And when you realize
that the universe is
CONSTANTLY expanding,
the thought of watching
what you eat seems meaningless.

And when you realize
that eventually the sun
will run out of energy,
the people around you
will matter more
than ever before.

And when you realize
how small you are,
you will find your actual
worth.

Writers Block

The itch in my throat won't go away,

no matter how many times I cough.

I walk down these white hallways,

why did they decide to paint this beautiful red brick white?

They wonder why so many of us are depressed, 

yet our hallways look like an asylum.

Lone Peak has got a lot of problems. 

But there are some beautiful things here too. 

Like when Mr. Rees babies come to see him,

and he speaks to them in Russian.

Like when Señora Swartz plays her guitar during a test.

When Hope Squad decorates the school in sticky notes.

When new friendships form in classrooms or at lunch.

And of course, Uknighted every Friday. 

There is a lot of sunshine at our school,

even if our hallways are white.

New Life, New Love

A mother holds her new born baby,
as florescent light splashes across the linoleum floor.

The hospital hallways are noisy,
nurses push patients in wheelchairs
and loud cries echo from the walls.

But the small room is quiet.
The baby's sleepy breath is all that can be heard.

in and out
in and out
in
and
out.

A small nose with round cheeks,
swaddled in a soft blanket with pink foot prints,
the mother rocks her new love.
This inseparable bond has been formed between
new and old life.

Something so pure and beautiful has been
brought into such a hectic world.

But in the arms of this new mother,
safety, care and love is promised.

Live Happy

A couple of months ago, I abandoned all of my social media accounts.
Yes.
Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat.
I never had Vine, Pinterest or Tumblr to begin with.

I didn't really talk about it.
I just quit all of them for myself.

I was too involved.
I cared way too much about likes
what other people were doing
and I was wasting so much TIME and ENERGY.

My self esteem was awful.
So I quit. I bailed. I said Sayonara.

AND IT IS SO NICE.

I do more things for myself now.
Without taking pictures.

I may be out of the loop on a lot of things.
(My friends had to explain a snapchat streak to me the other day)

But I don't really care
because I feel so much better about myself and how I choose to spend my time.

I know this isn't for everyone,
but it worked so well for me.

I made this time lapse video and ironically put a hashtag at the end.
But I had fun making it.
And I know these blogs are another format of social media.
Im trying to take a new approach to them, I just write how and when I want.
To express freely.
It helps that its all anonymous.

H A T S

Sometimes I find a new hat and I think "Sweet, I like this one."
I throw it on, I feel great and I go on my way.
Over time that hat becomes worn
And it loses its shape.
But for some reason I can't seem to let it go.

Maybe I hold on because I used to love it.
Maybe because of all the compliments I got.
Maybe because my friends told me it personified who I was.

Maybe I was just scared to let it go.

But despite my fear, I took a chance.

A hat is not apart of who you are.
Its an accessory.
Its not at all necessary.

So if you have your own old hat,
and you're too scared to let it go,
because you're afraid of change,
or you're afraid of what your friends will think,
or you don't think you'll find another that fits this well,

Take a leap.

Let it go.

Breathe.

You're not here to impress anyone.
You're here to smile in the sunshine
and breathe some fresh air.

Change is something to celebrate, not worry about.

So send your hat to D.I. because someone else will love it.
And treat yourself to something new.
Because as long as you're willing to try again
a new, beautiful hat will come your way.