Scout

The fire rose high
and I kept throwing sticks,
even though I know
my mom hates the smell of smoke.

But I like the way it
seems to keep me warm
long after the fire dies out.

My hair will fill with the thick scent
of campfire, and pine
and laughter, and stardust
for weeks.

And I will be smiling.

My mom will laugh
and call me wild
and tell me to take a shower.

But she will never deny
that the crisp air
and the oak leaves
and the rough bark
makes my heart feel full.

There are three strong forces
on this good earth that
have taught me patience
and kindness and peace.

The earth itself,
my heavenly father
and
my mom.

And I am grateful.

I'm Out

high school

was not 

meant

for 

tender

souls

Haunnah

When I was 12, I had a friend named Haunnah. She was one of my favorite people to spend time with. Haunnah had severe scoliosis. It was so bad her legs would go numb and she would walk with a slight limp. She was planning to get surgery to correct the "S" curve in her spine. Unfortunately, at this point in our lives, we didn't see too much of each other, as my dad had stopped dating her mom.

I remember riding in the car with my dad. The grass was green and the air was warm as we pulled into the neighborhood. He gave me a detailed update on Haunnah's surgery, the epidural and how she would pass out because the pain was unbearable.

Thus my phobia of needles, IV's and shots began.

Picturing my sweet, 11 year old friend in so much pain was awful. My young mind associated needles with pain and heartbreak. To this day,  I cry when I get a shot, when I get my blood tested and the one time I went to the ER and had to get an IV. I hate the idea that something can be put in - or taken out of my blood stream at any given moment. No bueno.

I'm afraid of many things. However, I try my best to not let them hold me back. Most things I can manage with a little bit of work. But needles are a different story. It is a fear I am hoping to overcome. I was blessed with a healthy body, and one day I want to be able to donate blood. I don't know how or when, but one day I will.

I haven't seen Haunnah in over five years. I hope she is healthy and happy and shining. I miss her.

Best Friend

She has eyes that shine

and a heart that glows.

Her hands were created

to create.

She is a fern,

green and lively. 

She spreads her leaves 

out to the world.

She is laughter

and sunshine

and herbal tea

and roller skates.

Cassiopeia

Rotisserie Chicken

Boba Tea

Hip Hop

She is jazz music

on a Sunday afternoon.

She is strong like an oak,

but graceful as a weeping willow.

She is rooted

and continuously growing

toward the sky.

And I am grateful.

Patience

Remember

that the

important

things take

time.

And this

expectation

you created

for yourself

is only

respected

by you.

Don’t

hold

your

breath.